Nidhi Katoch blog

I'm alone in this night  Water has engulfed me, My heart is hanged  somewhere in the air, between the surface and the sky. Sobriety has escaped by breaking all walls  of the chamber, Would I ever be able to  reach that place, where peace resides,  where a little black bird flies,  with the ease, without any storm  and screaming wind, where the sun smiles on every dream !

Pic credit- Mother The day is young and bright I'm gazing at the still mountains  who seem to kiss the blue sky. I could see the white snow spreading its clothes all over the mountains, And the familiar broad road, on a mountain which hasn't changed  since my childhood. The mango tree is swinging with the breeze as if advising its little children  to embrace the sun and the rain, Welcome the spring and fight the hail.  Little mynah(s) are playing hide and seek, Sparrows feed grains, Woodpecker is busy with its beak, Without paying attention to my existence, I'm lost in the forest dense of my heart, which is clouded by some wrenching thoughts. A gust of wind comes from the north, as it brings snow in its scent, Whispers loudly in my ears  your winters are about to end. 

Rage has made its authority in the room of mind,  and bad blood in my heart, Love has lost its right somewhere behind.  My ears are closed Eyes are blind, Body is burning  Still my organs are not kind.  My mouth is silent Thoughts are aggressive, Actions say nothing  words are abusive.  When shall I get the soul When shall I heal Time is slipping away  So does the life's reel. 

In winter mornings, the fields are usually covered with white sheet of dew which gives the impression of snow. It was a chilly morning. Upper hills had got heavy snowfall. I decided to not open the window of my room. I could hear the song of saint and his harmonium. Boys who play basketball had left for their practice. I was still curled inside my quilt. With eyes wide open I was staring at the dark walls of quilt.  Suddenly there rose an urge to drink tea. Tea is a kind of addiction that one can't left so easily. I raised from the bed and switched on the light. When I came out of the room, I felt a hand holding my shoulder. I could not turn my head to see. Something was stopping me from heading further. That invisible hand pulled my arm and slammed me to the wall.  I at once opened my eyes and found myself on my bed. I was still curled inside my quilt and still had an urge to drink tea.

During my evening walk  I met a little kid,  Sparkling and cheerful  that doe eyed. He talked about his school and his friends, He seemed sad, although  happy he pretend. We went to village temple and made deal with God, in our minds,  I asked for strength to travel my road.  When I got ready to go back, The kid accompanied me again,  I asked him, what have you asked  from God and bargain? He said I prayed to God for togetherness of my parents, For happy family, and for all sufferings' disappearance. Listening that I fell silent and meek,  It's only the family, the victim of separation can seek.  He longed for family, And here, I was trying to escape ! He was sure that all he  asked for, God can make.  After that day I could never met him,  But his words still echoed in my ears, whenever I cross that road, I experience same strange fear. 

There are always two ways to reach school in the hills, one which is the main road through which all buses and cars go and the other is the short one, through the fields. Nily and Niah, twin sisters usually went to school through the fields. It was the short and safe way, for little girls of eight years, according to their mother because they didn't have to cross the concrete road. Nily and Niah had no problem with that as they could play freely in the fields while going to school and on their way back home. There was a big rock between those terrace fields, under the shade of a mango tree. After school both Nily and Niah used to play there with their schoolmates. They enjoyed catching dragonflies and teasing grazing cows, floating paper boats (obviously from their notebooks) in the nearby water stream. They sometimes sang loudly to disturb people who generally enjoy their noon sleep. They ate raw and ripe mangoes in summer and the rain. When they got tired they rest there fo...

Under the winter's sun I sat with my reads, The voice of calm wind  and the song of mountain birds, The sheet of snow covered  all the hills. In this splendid weather, My heart sinked in your memories. How we spent all time together, and now we were miles apart. The pines and oaks smiled at me And my heart sang, "We may be withered in these winter blues, But we will rise again too bloom, to embrace each other, we will be together forever soon."

On the day of my fiasco  I cried with pain, Damp face and red eyes Hidden in the winter's rain. Walking through the road without any clue, sunless sky full of gloom. No one could hear the  wailing of my grieved heart,   On tranquil mountains the stroke of lightening storm had left it's deep mark. Even after such a long time  this thorn still pricks my soul, Not only I lamented  but my world as whole. The vestiges are still there speak in a deep cry, to remind me I haven't done anything, My sun is yet to rise. 

In a small village over the hills there resided a little girl, with her strong will to touch that endless sky. Nily had never boarded a train even after her nineteen years in this planet. For a child of hills, who has never seen an outer world is a real joy. Even the sight of moving train excited her. On a day of late april Nily climbed a rocky slope of a hilly forest of Kangra to board the train. She had heard of this shortcut road from her acquaintance. The hill was nearly 60 km away from her home. The sun had made her skin red and tanned. The trees grass has turned yellow due to summer sun. When Nily reached there, the station had just 17-18 people. And most of them were there to see off their loved ones. The station too was not that big though. She bought ticket for the nearest station to her home that is 8 km from her village. A man in a coat and trouser fascinated her. He was a tall man with grey hair and had a police man for his security. He looked like a man of infl...

In a hollow dark room of my soul,  There lies a question, Who always asks me, "Why this moving stagnation?" Gazing at the dark night sky  And the melting clouds The music of heaven is thunderous and loud. This music asks me about my long lost old dream, that I have strangled  in an invisible pile of insecurities. Flower that dies without bloom,  while yearning for sunlight, Filled my heart with gloom. The flower screamed and asked me  about my deserted desire, I used to keep in the dark room of soul, the flambeau and its fire.

It was an early winter morning. I took a walk over the hill that I use to see from the window of my room. My mind was clouded with thoughts of future like the mist concealed the pines and oaks in her arms. The face of sun had been veiled by the clouds. The melody of water spring and the voice of nightingale spreaded all over the mountains. There came shepherds and their flock who had made their way to the lower hills. The chilling wind started playing with my hair. Some birds were still in their habitats, while some had already flied to the warmer place. Pine's branches moved slowly and slowly as if he was speaking with his brothers cedar and oak in secret language of silence. The road was narrow and the fresh pour of dew during the dawn had made it more slippery. My agitated heart started singing... I'm sitting by the cascade water beneath, The thoughts of upcoming winters are haunting me. Would the walls of my heart able to fight cold winds, Would my body resist  ...

What is more exquisite than a  night sky after a long day of rain, Dark and blue illuminated with stars and clouds And the tint of moonlight spreads on cloudy lane. Long standing white hibiscus, Buzz of cricket, Raindrops over tree leaves and the fireflies' visit. What is more exquisite! What is more exquisite!

On a spring morning, I sat on the silent corner of the lawn. You entered the place with some of your fellows. It seemed like trees waved at your arrival. The calm sunshine smiled over the spring flowers.  I'd never seen you before but there was something that intrigued me. The silence of my lips eloped the clamour of my heart. Love enslaved my soul they had just found her mate. The deliverance filled up my heart. The flock of birds just took the first flight of the day to embrace the sky. You left the place within a few minutes. No one had the slightest idea of my exquisite experience. And there left a woman whose heart agitated to break all the worldly bondages.  Then the wind sang in my ears, "We are going to meet soon". 

I still remember the day we met. The sun was burning hot. But then clouds of heaven smiled over us. And they witnessed our meet. The angels behind the clouds showered their blessings. That day I embraced the silence to listen to your words, to embed those words in my heart like pearls.  Words that were not of worldly wisdom, but the words of freedom. Words of ecstasy soothed the silence of lips and melted my stormy soul. The words of your song even excited the birds. Wind of love was flowing and the fragrance of flowers scented the garden. We sat there for long hours. The sun reached below the horizon and mist covered the whole garden. Your lips kissed my forehead and bid me good bye. Then you lost in the midst of mist with a smile on your face. And there left a woman who had just experienced the eternal joy of love for the first time and the misery of separation from her lover.

A Wish to Dance with the Glowflies, Play with the Stars, And sleep with the Moon. ~ A Wish  