Nidhi Katoch blog

I watched green water moving back and forth while sitting on the shore. Fall had arrived. I felt the chill in the breeze. The sun was subtly shining. I always feel like there's a  blue hue in the cool bright mornings. I so badly wanted to pick the colours of the day and paint them on some blank canvas. I tried to understand what water was trying to say. What message was it trying to convey and for whom? Sometimes these sounds of water appear cheerful to me, sometimes sad and sometimes these are neutral as if the lake is immersed in deep thought. This water has listened to many stories and problems. It has become a partner in the loneliness of many people. It has witnessed many winnings and embraced the tears of defeat within itself.  But where does this lake share its thoughts? At night when everyone leaves for their homes, with whom does it share its emotions? When I lie down on my bed I usually hear that the lake is crying. Who is going to soothe its pain?  I was so ove...

I picked up my backpack and started my journey. Destination unknown. I never like to plan my trips much because planned trips often fail (a well-known fact). 'I can decide it while taking the bus.', I almost blurted. The moving bus, labyrinthine roads, an open window, a baby's squeals, and a mixture of different dialects and languages of unending conversations. Nothing makes sense during traveling in public vehicles except everyone is heading to some place, their place, and will get lost in this crowded world, in their world. I was welcomed by a clouded grey sky with a hint of blue in its canvas. It's the warmth of the snow that made me fight the turbulence of my heart. Soon the night would fall and I'd again creep back to bed with my book. I didn't know why I had traveled this far if the only thing I wanted to do is to read in peace. I heard two crows conversing with each other from their respective trees. 'Why can't they both just perch together to hav...

While going through the shelves of bookstore, I stopped at Hindi section. You were sitting there on stool waiting for me to pick up some books for you. How much you trust my choice! I decided to pick few books by Amrita Pritam. This was when you asked me to not buy her books, not of any Indian woman author.  'Why?', I asked casually. But I could sense your unease at the prospect of someone bringing your own experience in front of your eyes. When someone writes about pain, loneliness, atrocities, molestation, oppression, exploitation and so on, at a certain point we all start to see those writings as our own experience, our own life. I've seen them through my eyes. My thoughts, my behavior are products of those experiences. When I came through you I knew I'm destined to these experiences. Little girl in me was gone long ago. Unnecessarily before. Do you really think I'm not aware of your uneasiness? I'm. I always was. Ps. Reader might want to know whether we boug...

All three of us were having coffee in the cafe and were laughing at something. But my eyes were only following you. I looked at your face, 'How happy you are today!' I thought to myself, as if trying to convey my message through my mind.  I knew that the day after tomorrow you'd be home and I would remain here. Stagnant! Oh! How much I wanted to follow you like I used to do when I was a child. I had never felt so jealous of kids, the way I felt today. Kids can cry anywhere, at any moment, while we adults are supposed to behave. I wanted to hold you but I didn't. I knew you would get to know my feelings even with my single touch. This could make you sad, more than me. I didn't want to take that risk. After all, You're Mother! Far more experienced and smart than me.  I turned my gaze to my twin. I wondered if she was thinking the same! Our eyes met and she nodded with a small smile. I nodded back and became a part of the conversation again.

In winter the dew settles on window panes and starts to slide down slowly to settle on the window sill. The first ray of sun has kissed the dew on window panes and I've started to think of you.  Sometimes I like to pretend that you're sitting beside me and we're talking to each other. I know you're just a call away but imagination is the best way to pour your heart out.  I'll ask questions and we both will agree on the same conclusion. Today I'll talk, cry and laugh then I'll leave everything according to your advice. I know you're always worried about my habit of not saying hello to my neighbor, or not meeting any relative or friend. We might not agree on an issue as I used to before. Today I'll assure you I'm still the same old me for you and for every friend who's silently supporting me. With the passage of time, I might have changed but you're still my comfort. I still think of you whenever I feel lonely. I'll assure you I'm n...

When we reached the restaurant, it was pretty empty. We decided to take seat on their terrace. 'The sweater season is here.', I remarked to which my sister asked, 'Which season isn't sweater season here? ' She's right in hills you only need couple of hours of rain.  It was sunny today. A perfect weather to uplift my mood. I decided to soak the sun and have little walk on the roof as there was enough space. In one corner a couple was chatting. I glanced at their side for few seconds, there were two glasses on their table and half filled bottle of beer.  I stop by the edge of roof and took the stand of railing, facing toward north. Below there were few vehicles, localites were moving to and fro for their day to day work. There was an occasional honking of horn. When I looked straight there were mountains.Clouds had covered the upper range. 'Mountains from where I always try to run away.', I thought.  'Why on earth food isn't coming? What's taki...

  "What's more heavenly than steaming hot coffee after spicy momos? " I asked my twin who was still waiting for her coffee to cool down a little. "Maybe a piece of cake! " She replied jokingly. After this talk, we kept quiet for a while. It was a nice day to sit under the sun. A perfect day to soak the warmth in our hearts which had been turned cold while walking among the crowd.  "Why are we sitting here?" "Because we are seeking escape." "Is it wrong to do?" "No." "So why does it feel wrong?" "Because we're trained to feel so." "Should we part our ways? " "We never need to part ways to do different things." "Are you trying to say we are right?" "I'm not saying we are right. But all I know is We are NOT wrong." I didn't know where was this conversation heading, neither she. We kept on talking for a while in that way and fell silent again. "Let...