October’24

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I know how you always used to find happiness in the jingles of bangles. I'm wearing those bangles now, and it seems they are sobbing, humming a sad song. Yesterday, someone crossed by myside, wearing your perfume, it's weird I still remember how you used to smell. When I look at these new faces for a long time, their faces start to dissolve into one, Among all the faces, I only want to see yours, among all the voices, I only want to hear yours. When night drapes itself in moonlight, I start to think about you, just another damned full moon. Fetal position, The broken alarm clock, shattered pieces of glass and drops of blood. Absent-mindedly I hurt myself. I carry a photograph of you in my wallet, the old one. I'm afraid of looking back to those memories, those crazy stories. How I used to sneak out, wearing your cardigans and now I don't even touch them. Unconsciously your name slips out, your number is dialled.

I hate to be loved. With love, you need to love others back. Unconditional love makes you guilty, of not loving enough, and hurting others because you try to push them off. Silence over the calls, not finding words to fill the gap, coming back to place after a long day to know you were not there. I hear your footsteps, a hum of a song, I called out your name when I saw you hiding in the morning mist. 

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Nidhi katoch
A silent observer in search of her TRUE HOME. If you like my writings, do comment and share... Views are extremely personal and are original writings of mine.

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