Ephemeral

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Sitting in the same old cafe, chipped paint, smell of books. Reminiscing the time when the last time I was here. I was fighting with mixed feelings after spitting out the facts. In the turmoil and chaos, choosing between the ways of the world or me, I chose myself.

I'm wondering over time, how we sit on our couch and the next moment we are on a plane, how we just graduated high school and at the next moment we entered in the late twenties. How happily we come home from school, hug our loved ones and the next day empty house welcome us. How once I used to sleep like a baby and now the goddess of sleep is angry with me. Time… writing this piece, eating my cake, and suddenly I'm in some other city, with new people. Just now I made friends and then left them; just now the city felt like mine and then it became a stranger again.

If stars are watching over us, I want to ask them where I belong. In the darkness when the shadow leaves us whose hand am I supposed to hold? There are so many friendly words but their eyes lie, and with the slight slip of the tongue their intention becomes clear. 

Oh! dear, it's so difficult to live in this cruel cruel world. At night I usually dream that I'm carrying a big load over my shoulder, and my back is stooped but there's no end to this mountain. Mountain who promised me a serene view. They say time heals everything, I hope in the meantime my soul also will. I've shaken hands with life, whatever is there, is fine. 

Keeping these words of Sahir Ludhianvi with me: 

“ग़म और ख़ुशी में फ़र्क़ न महसूस हो जहां

मैं दिल को उस मक़ाम पे लाता चला गया…”

[Loose translation: Where I couldn't feel the difference between sadness and happiness, I brought my heart there…] 

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Nidhi katoch
A silent observer in search of her TRUE HOME. If you like my writings, do comment and share... Views are extremely personal and are original writings of mine.

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