Nidhi Katoch blog

I stared at the half-finished coffee; the mug had my lipstick stains on it. At first, I had the urge to remove them with tissue, but I didn't know what made me stop.  I sat on the verandah to watch the rain fall. A little kitten came and curled up on my lap. Earlier, when you were here, I was just another person for it. But now it also tries to find you in the sound of rain, in the droplets, in the petrichor. We both listened to the rain falling on the slate roof and slid down with heavy downpours. We had never bonded before, but now this kitten never leaves me alone whenever I'm at this place. How peacefully it was sleeping on my lap!  I had no idea how I would be able to leave it alone here. But this kitten is made for the wild. Whenever it misses you, it sits by your door and leaves. You can't cage a wild bird like I couldn't cage you forever. Even the mental pictures are blurred. You know it had been a long time since I had sung a song. I started to hum with the rai...

Last night, when I heard the rain my mind raced back to the times when rain only meant binge-watching Byomkesh Bakshi. I turned on the heater, the orange hue filled the room. Wish I could turn the blue into orange or pink or red or any bright colour but blue. I saw sitting you over the window, in a yellow dress, laughing over some silly joke, trying to tie up your waist-long hair. When I approached, you were not there. You flew out of the window. You were the child of the Ganges, like a river you all always flowed through every thick and thin. For how long I'll have to think about you. They say I need to settle myself down. Settle but where? What is meant by settling down? If you’d been here, I would have asked you.  Your friend called again. Sometimes I feel she tries to find you in me. We ended up crying together. They may care, maybe not. I do wish badly to start trusting the world again. I'm still figuring out with whom I'm angry. Now every call drains me, I'm afrai...