Nidhi Katoch blog

I woke up in the morning feeling heavy on my chest, heavy with all my emotions. I remembered your last words. When I removed the curtains from the window, I saw the new day. But for me, time had stopped long ago. I got a call from a friend—a friend whom I left at half-eaten dinner last night. I picked up the call and promised to meet him again tonight.  I lay down on the bed again. Thinking about what life has become after you’d left. I felt your hand on my shoulder, asking whether I wanted tea or coffee. I replied, “Whatever you are having.”, with a bit of surprise. I saw your body moving swiftly with the music. I didn't remember when I turned on the music. I don't even know when I last heard this old '70s music. I have always thought of you as music. When you left, the music from my soul took its leave forever. I saw my old wooden book rack, which you’d built for me. Mirror on the wall, an old date on the calendar. I've forgotten to change the date again. I promise my...

The last time I saw his face was at the end of June. His questioning eyes were filled with loneliness. I tried to reason that shutting the doors would never help his hauntings. The smoke from the cigarette lit in his fingers filled the room. I walked toward the window to open its panes. I don't know for how long this window had been kept closed. There was a peepal that had grown over it. With some difficulty, when I finally opened the window, it felt like I'd set someone free. When I looked back, it was only me who felt this way. Opening the window symbolises him, memories of his love flying to the far place.  They say eyes never lie, but sometimes people just learn to hide the truth from their eyes. But I knew he was pretending. He offered me coffee, and when I nodded yes, he went to the kitchen to make one. I don't know why I always go to meet him. Maybe I'm also another loser hopelessly in love, trying to pacify my pain by looking at his pain, which seems much bigger...

I stared at the half-finished coffee; the mug had my lipstick stains on it. At first, I had the urge to remove them with tissue, but I didn't know what made me stop.  I sat on the verandah to watch the rain fall. A little kitten came and curled up on my lap. Earlier, when you were here, I was just another person for it. But now it also tries to find you in the sound of rain, in the droplets, in the petrichor. We both listened to the rain falling on the slate roof and slid down with heavy downpours. We had never bonded before, but now this kitten never leaves me alone whenever I'm at this place. How peacefully it was sleeping on my lap!  I had no idea how I would be able to leave it alone here. But this kitten is made for the wild. Whenever it misses you, it sits by your door and leaves. You can't cage a wild bird like I couldn't cage you forever. Even the mental pictures are blurred. You know it had been a long time since I had sung a song. I started to hum with the rai...